


Head First

by Sylv



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Love Triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylv/pseuds/Sylv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone makes plans, everyone takes risks, and everyone expects things to happen. Sometimes they work out - and sometimes they don't. Starfire, Robin and Raven find this out the hard way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Head First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Val_Creative](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/gifts).



Tokyo hadn't been planned. It had been spontaneous and sweet and wonderful and just what she had been waiting for, but this…

This had been planned.

In a way, at least; they shared looks that spoke volumes and sent shivers down her spine. Innocent brushes where their fingers would touch left her tingling and breathless. They had never said anything out loud about it, but it was an unspoken agreement that they had suddenly sprung upon themselves one unsuspecting day.

Tokyo had been the first time that Robin had kissed her. The overwhelming passion and sense of some type of love had had her reeling afterwards. Her dreams couldn't have compared to the real thing, the true sensation of his lips against hers. He was gentle, nearly hesitant, in a way that was soft and sweet, as though asking for permission even while doing the deed.

Starfire's emotions had been over the top after that. She couldn't have stopped floating even if she had wanted to. The two of them had been attached at the hip for weeks afterwards, not being able to bear having the other out of their sight for any length of time. The kisses continued long after the team had arrived home, too.

Something about being in the tower seemed to unblock Robin. The first time he cornered her, grabbing her firmly around the waist, Starfire realized that he went about a relationship the same way he did everything else: head-on and determined. In other words: holding nothing back.

This revelation had come as he moved his mouth against hers insistently, his hands exploring more of her body than the alien had ever thought he would even imagine about. The change shocked her, the jolt to her system making it so that she couldn't respond to the onslaught until moments after it had begun.

The pads of her fingers slid up his bare arm to his shoulder, and down his chest, making him shudder with delight. Her hand then shifted back up and tangled with the other one in his hair, tugging gently at the roots. Her mouth opened willingly once she felt his tongue slide along her lips, and he invaded her it in a way that bordered on harsh.

Without giving Starfire time to adjust to this new way of kissing, he broke it off, panting heavily, and ducked to devour her neck. A quiet moan escaped her as she grew weak-kneed. Robin nipped at the skin, soothing the stinging with quick licks. He moved up, kissing where her neck met her jaw deeply. Starfire placed her hands on his shoulders in a half-hearted attempt to push him away, but he resisted, lightly trailing his hands along her sides.

Having had enough of this torture, Starfire forcefully brought his head back up, resulting in a slight wince on this part, and making intense eye contact with him for a second before bringing his lips crashing back to hers in a fiery kiss that expressed so many words that wouldn't fit anywhere else.

Meetings like this happened more and more often. Starfire came to expect to be practically mauled as Robin would jump out at her and pull her into a closet so that he could taste her one more time. And every time he acted like it was the last, like if he didn't kiss her with all his strength now, he would never get a chance to later.

In fact, Starfire found that if she didn't want to participate, it wouldn't matter. These moments were his and his alone, and if she didn't reciprocate, she was liable to get hurt. It was incredible how defenseless she seemed to become once he had her in his grip. She found that all her strength suddenly disappeared until he let her go.

So she learned to kiss him back, even going so far as to begin their sessions in a dark corner herself, even if she wanted to just sit with him, talk to him, or perhaps not be in his company at all, but be in another of their friends' presences. He seemed to give up on any other aspect of a real relationship.

It was almost like those minutes were his escape from the problems that plagued him. His personality would pick up on the minutest details naturally, and he would turn them over in his mind, obsessing, obsessing, until everything he thought was worn out from being pulled at so much. It didn't matter what it was: crime fighting or his friends.

Starfire couldn't handle that; it was exhausting. That wasn't the only flaw in Robin. Actually, it seemed to Starfire like the only time when she wasn't irritated with something he was doing was when they were having a closet session. Since that side trip to Tokyo and the dates that consequently followed had happened, their leader hadn't been more relaxed at all. Quite the contrary; he seemed to think that he could get away with being uptight on cases.

His manipulative traits had grown, and he was the only one who couldn't see the change. Confronting him was something that none of the team had the courage to do yet, although when they were alone, each made claims that they would do so.

Starfire could feel the strain of being in the line of fire for Robin's extremes taking its toll. She took the hits for the rest of the team, shielding them from the blows of his newly volatile emotions. The girl knew that she couldn't stay in such close contact with someone whose feelings were as unstable as Robin's were.

But although she realized that as time went on she was liking him less and less, she did still care about him, if only as a partner, teammate or leader. And she didn't want to break his heart by breaking up with him. Starfire was under no delusions about how much he liked her, even if the feeling wasn't returned. Besides, the girl knew that it would affect the team dynamics if he was sulking and being even more of a recluse than he was already.

She was also terrified of losing the one link that she had. And her mind would flash back to the touches and the looks, and she would tell herself 'One more day.' One more day she would struggle through, for those moments where he would grab her and ferociously kiss her and she could taste it.

As Robin intercepted her on her way to her room, Starfire didn't even bother to make eye contact. Her mouth descended upon his and she forced his lips apart, tasting the inside of his mouth once again, and savoring it. Her tongue explored and rediscovered, once again mapping him, memorizing him with her invasion.

Robin responded with just as much vigor, groaning with pleasure as Starfire licked the roof of his mouth. She tasted and took and took because that was all she could do at this point. It seemed there was nothing that she could give him now. He wasn't going to give her anything in return, and for once, Starfire didn't know what to do when it came to him.

Her attempts at engaging him in any romantic activity like taking a walk together, or asking him to go on a date fell on deaf ears. Her cries for attention were muted through his door as he worked on another case, eventually emerging to be no farther than he was before and infinitely more stressed.

She used to bake things for him, even Earth food, to entice him. She would buy outfits that she thought he would like, actually tell Cyborg that she was too busy to "do the hanging out" with him because she had been planning to do something with Robin. And when he was the one calling her, she was there.

She had given him her comfort, her best. She had given him her time, in the beginning. And her boyfriend hadn't seemed to notice. Maybe because it was what Starfire had always done. But now, as her boyfriend, he was expected to reciprocate.

That didn't happen.

So her feelings for him had dwindled. She had tried to keep them alive, but they refused to stay. And her attention drifted elsewhere, and was consequently consumed by something entirely different.

Their hands now moved all over each other's bodies, and they broke apart only when the need for air became necessary, panting and faces flushed. Their bodies were pressed together, close as they could get without melting into each other. Robin's masked eyes searched for her own brilliant green ones, but she avoided his gaze, dreading any stare from him.

Instead, she went back in for his lips, searching. He welcomed her, allowing her to ravage his mouth, again taking his breath away.

Suddenly, Starfire stopped and jerked away, dropping her arms to hang limply at her sides. She turned from Robin. A rush of cold air filled the space where her warm body used to be, and he was searching for something that wasn't there.

His eyes went wide and he stared at her, feeling extremely empty. His expression clearly asked a question, one that she would not be answering.

The taste was gone.

\--

It had happened sometime between when she realized that her heart was aching with a void, and when she realized that she didn't love Robin. It was another thing that hadn't been intentional, but unlike Tokyo, it hadn't been expected at all.

Starfire and Raven had been in the common room alone. Star was captivated by the comedian on television, the kind that Beastboy was entertained by. She didn't quite understand all of the jokes, but living on Earth as long as she had, the girl had picked up much of the terminology and many of the expressions.

It had been a beautiful autumn day; with the sun shining and there was not a cloud in the sky. Taking advantage of the comfortable temperatures for the first time in weeks, the three boys had decided to play a game of basketball up on the roof of the tower. Both girls had declined the invitation to join, each for their own reasons.

Raven had been expected; she merely wanted to spend the day doing her own thing. No surprises there.

Starfire had been eager to get away from her boyfriend.

Raven had been sitting next to her friend on the couch; passively reading her book and listening to the alien princess laugh and clap her hands. Her brow furrowed as the seconds ticked by, as seconds are wont to do. Eventually whatever was irking her became unbearable, because she softly shut her novel and stared at Starfire with those bright, amethyst eyes.

Starfire noticed immediately, and the bubbly laughter died on her lips as she gave Raven a questioning gaze. Bejeweled eyes clashed, and words were exchanged without a sound from either.

"Starfire, what is going on with you and Robin?" Raven asked softly, her voice as emotionless as always. Or so it would seem to the outside ear. Star's ear now automatically picked up on the inflections in her friend's voice, no matter how minor. The empath was genuinely concerned; that in of itself made her want to open up.

As she gathered the courage to speak, Starfire's face changed swiftly from slightly puzzled to dejected. It seemed as though even her red tresses grew limp. A sigh heaved her shoulders, and the girl looked up to meet her good friend's eyes straight on, no flinching or shying away.

It was amazing to her, Starfire noticed even as she began to explain the aspects of her relationship with their leader, that Raven could see her unhappiness at a time when she had been genuinely content and relaxed. Then again, maybe that was the reason. Maybe Raven had noticed that when Starfire was with Robin, she wasn't happy.

This made her smile a bit, contrasting her words about how demanding her boyfriend could be. Everything came spilling out of her, probably because no one had bothered to ask her before. And Starfire wasn't one to keep her emotions bottled up inside for any length of time.

It had happened then.

Sometime between Starfire questioning why Robin's emotions must swing from one side of the spectrum to another, between her wondering how manipulative he could possibly become before he realized what he was doing, between her asking how much he could take and take from her before he gave anything back, between her letting the tears slip down her face and crying about how much pressure it was to always talk him down into a calmer mood, between her nearly in hysterics about how much stress it put on her…

Sometime between all of that, the quiet sobs had echoed around the room before disappearing, and their lips met.

She wasn't sure who had started it, but it was soft and delicate and unsure, things that Starfire hadn't experienced in a long time. Her eyes fluttered shut and she relaxed visibly, all tension leaving her body. When the feather-light touch left her mouth, she glanced at Raven through her lashes. The empath's face was turned away from her, but her hood was still down, and Starfire could see the dusting of pink on her pale cheeks.

Craving more, needing more, Starfire put two fingers under Raven's chin and lifted her head gently. She kept eye contact until the very moment that their mouths melded together once again. This time it was more confident, but still innocent. Starfire felt electricity shock through her, sending a thrill up her spine, something that she, again, couldn't remember feeling recently.

She guided Raven through the motions, awed at how simple and naïve the empath was in comparison to herself, and at how the hesitant, slightly clumsy touch could make her feel more than the moves of her much more experienced boyfriend.

But Raven wasn't brutal. Raven didn't force anything. And Raven didn't kiss her so hard that all pretense of pleasure was gone, and all that was left was the hurt.

Tentative hands clutched at her shoulders, and Starfire encouraged them, running her fingers through Raven's short, silky locks. They pulled a bit before leaving and moving lower, slipping softly down the sides of her face, raising involuntary goose bumps.

They broke apart, both panting with the passion that each felt, resting their foreheads together to catch their breath back, unconsciously mimicking the two teenagers who had kissed for the first time not so long ago in Tokyo. Starfire kept her eyes shut. She did not want the illusion to shatter. She liked the butterflies in her stomach, and she wanted to keep them intact for a minute.

She grudgingly opened her eyes when she felt Raven move away. The girl's eyes were wide and she had one hand over her mouth. Starfire knew what words were going to come spilling out even before she opened it to speak.

"Starfire I… I'm sorry…" she whispered hoarsely. Star knew exactly what she was talking about, but somehow… she couldn't make herself feel too terrible for cheating on her boyfriend. She turned so that her back was facing Raven and closed her eyes, remembering the sweet taste of her.

Raven licked her lips and glanced nervously at the door. She couldn't believe they had just done that in the main room, where anyone could have walked in on them at any time. The teen was also horrified with herself; she had just kissed Robin's girlfriend! Both were two of her best friends, and she felt as though she had betrayed them terribly.

A pink color adorned her cheeks again as she remembered what they had done. She knew that she shouldn't be so flustered, but she couldn't help it; it wasn't as though she had much experience in that department.

As her purple eyes took in more of her friend's (was she still classified as that? Where did they stand now?) back, she flushed again. She remembered… and she remembered that she liked it. Starfire's kiss portrayed every good quality about her: her kindness, caring, gentleness, confidence and love. The alien hadn't been the only one who had felt a sizzle of passion during the moments their lips had been touching.

Starfire turned back around; ready to face whatever Raven threw at her. She knew that nothing could come of this. Nothing could be allowed to grow, and indeed, they couldn't have a lapse in attention where a repeat situation happened. And yet, she couldn't help but wish…

When Star looked to where Raven had been, she found that the girl was gone, and only the scent that was subtly but distinctly Raven was left. The alien dropped her hands into her lap and slowly turned her attention back to the television that she had only just remembered was there. The noise crept into her ears, like a switch had been flipped on.

Raven had run away, like she seemed to do with many of the things she didn't want to face, or didn't have the strength to face. Starfire frowned, her eyes glazed over and unblinking. She knew that nothing could ever happen, but a tug within her told her to find Raven. To fill the gaping hole that Robin left in her heart.

With extreme effort, she ignored it.

\--

Robin felt as though he had the weight of the world hanging on his shoulders. No one could help him, because no one knew. No one could know, and Robin was certainly never going to tell them. Not any of it.

It had all started with something seemingly normal. Another case, another villain, nothing that the Titans couldn't handle. But that one "regular case" had taken them all the way to Japan, and he hadn't been able to let go. That much was clear, even to him. In fact, he was surprised that there hadn't been some sort of intervention on his behalf.

But he couldn't seem to stop. His need to catch the bad guy had grown far more than marginally, and he couldn't give his attention to anything else, lest he give whoever he was chasing more time to find another victim.

However… what had happened in Tokyo, with Starfire, it had just felt so right. When they met (or when he searched her out), and kissed, all of his troubles melted away, and he could focus on her, only her. She was his remedy, to an illness that seemed incurable.

And that was where all of his problems had started.

Once he had diagnosed himself, there had been a change between them. He didn't understand quite what it was, or how it had come to be, but it was there. When they looked at each other, it was no longer love that crackled between them like static. Lust was a more appropriate term; or a challenge shining from her eyes.

That had been terrible enough. To walk by your girlfriend, smile at her with all the happiness you could muster, casually brush her hand with yours and waiting for the goose bumps to raise on her skin, only to find her pull away. Then she would look at you, and her green eyes would tell you that you were something repulsive or something not worth her time.

And that would make him only crave her more, only want to kiss her more. He tried desperately to make her love him, that same thing that he had felt from her in Tokyo. So he kissed more passionately, held her tighter, found her more often and impressed it upon her. He loved her. He needed her. And he would show it any way that he knew how.

He knew that things weren't the same between them, but he couldn't detach himself from her. If he did, who knew how far he would lose her. And Robin couldn't stand the thought of her being with somebody else. She was his; his Starfire and no one else's.

Of course he wanted her to be happy, but she was happy with him, wasn't she? She was always smiling and laughing, and wanting to spend time with him. Well, now he had openly agreed to date her, obligating him to spend time with her and all of a sudden… she didn't want to?

What about his happiness? Starfire had always attempted to keep him happy too, right? So being with him should have been a winning situation for both of them. Then what had happened between them? His feelings had to be returned, or she would have broken it off with him already wouldn't she? It wouldn't make any sense to stay with someone you no longer cared about in an intimate way.

Truthfully, and Robin didn't like admitting it to himself but, he wasn't sure what he would do if he and Starfire broke up. He had spent so long wanting her, and had realized it only recently. Once he did, it was as though a gaping hole in his chest had been filled. He couldn't imagine letting go of that; letting go of his fulfillment.

Then again, Robin didn't even think that he knew who he was or what he wanted anymore. Because just as he discovered the shifting of variables in his relationship with the girl of his dreams, so he discovered the change in balance in his relationship with another whom he never thought of in that way.

Or rather, it discovered him.

Raven: the girl who he felt a special connection with, whom he had a tangible connection with; his sister, the girl who he coaxed out of the dark, who he teased a smile and a laugh from; the sensible girl who was never too busy to give him a slap upside the head when he was being irrational. His teammate, whom he supposed he had always acknowledged as a sort of dark untouchable beauty, but had never really consciously thought about it.

As he cornered Starfire, wanting to kiss her into falling back in love with him, Raven cornered him; except, he had no idea why she did it.

There had never been any sort of indication that she had any feelings of love for him amounting to anything more than platonic. Robin was also certain that he had never given any reason for his friend to think he thought of her as more than a best friend. Any pleasant conversations the two had, any meaningful talks, any hugs even. All were distributed in a purely familial sense.

He didn't like Raven in that way. He didn't think she liked him in that way either. But when she had grabbed him as he started around a corner, ironically coming from a few minutes with Starfire, he had found that he didn't resist when she pulled him into her. He had just melted, as if he was butter.

And that wasn't even fair on him. Wasn't it supposed to be the girl who dissolved in the strong male's embrace? She was supposed to be the one who swooned and sighed and fluttered her lashes at him. 

And his cocky grin would slowly creep onto his face and he would bend down and whisper something sweet in her ear that would send shivers down her spine.

But, no. Fate hated him like no other. Robin found that he was the one who was gasping for more and groping at Raven like he was lost. She had somehow twisted his feelings so that he felt more for her than strong friendship. He couldn't even tell if it was the same kind of emotions he had for Starfire. All he knew was that when he looked at her, his heart began to race and his stomach would tighten into knots.

… Those physical reactions could also be for someone experiencing extreme fear.

The thing was, he felt completely awful for cheating on Starfire, and allowing himself to be seduced into looking at Raven in a new light. Even if he had wanted to start up a relationship with Raven (which he didn't), he would come clean and end the current one with Starfire. Robin was not the sort of man to tolerate cheating, nor cheat himself. So he had to ask: why?

Someone in control definitely had a grudge against him. Why else would Raven, the only one who said to him things like, "If you would take your head out of your ass for a minute and listen to us, we might actually get something done today,", suddenly be attacking him for kisses? He had tried to say no at first, struggled to root himself firmly to the ground and think about things from the point of view of an outside party, and failed miserably.

Rationalizing that he wouldn't be able to think logically during these times, Robin usually decided to return the affection that he received. His gloved hands would skim her sides and her breasts before massaging her back and her neck. He tasted as much of her throat as could be exposed with her leotard on, often growling when he couldn't reach any more of her.

Robin would also feel a small sense of satisfaction here. Raven was much shorter than Starfire; not only was he the one who needed to lean down for the kiss, but he could push her around slightly if he wanted to. It gave him a feeling of dominance and he relished in it when he would lightly shove her up against a wall.

He would begin to enjoy it, take control of where the encounter was going. Just as Robin would be getting into his stride… she would freeze up against his lips, unresponsive and cold. He hated it when Raven closed off like that, but he had never imagined that the front would be put up for him. She hadn't ever given him that before.

When Robin ran over the events in his head, he realized that Starfire would do the same exact thing. There was always a certain point, one when he wasn't done, that they would move away. He would see through a haze of lust their bruised lips and icy stares and shudder to himself, always wondering what he had done wrong.

And it always seemed as though one of them (most likely Raven) would wrench him to them almost immediately after he had just seen the other. There had to be some sort of connection, but Robin didn't have time to think about that, with everything else he had to do to catch criminals in the city. A voice in the back of his head (the one that used to sound like Batman but had slowly morphed into Slade) whispered devilishly that he didn't want to think about it, but he forcibly pushed that aside.

He did have other things to do. There wasn't any time to spare to be dedicated to thinking about the two girls on his team. Between not neglecting Starfire (meaning being as devoted as possible), being attacked by Raven and defending the denizens of Jump City, his down time was literally reduced to zero. He would just have to deal with his tumultuous feelings until he could get a moment to breathe and figure them out.

This, of course, meant that he didn't figure out anything at all.

\--

As Raven assaulted Robin again, she tried to ignore the thudding guilt that roared in her ears and curled in her stomach. Want attempted to surface, but it was swept away in the undercurrent of other emotions. The empath devoted a moment to stomping on any feelings at all; she wasn't allowed to have them.

The whites of his mask landed squarely on her purple eyes, and Raven wanted to flinch. She had always been able to find his gaze, even through his mask. But it was gone; dead. There was nothing behind what she could see, and that scared her. He had never - never-been able to hide what he was feeling from her before.

That led her to believe that somehow he had simply died inside during these moments.

But when she kissed him, he woke up, and answered her with just as much fervor. Heated whispers and breaths sent shivers licking down her spine, and she traced the planes of his chest with delicate fingers, making him shudder in return.

Raven was sometimes caught up in the moment during these times; it was possible for her to lose herself. But afterwards… that was the worst time. She would need to hole herself up in her room and meditate, centering herself to that crucially low point where her emotions weren't out of hand. It was here, when her mind was supposed to be blank, that thoughts came to her unbidden.

Being one whose powers originated from mental capacity and the strength of her feelings, Raven could gauge what was happening to her leader. The psychological torture that it had to be putting him through was unimaginable. She never wanted to be subjected to something like that in her lifetime. Her own problems were big enough as they were.

Raven knew Robin well; better, probably, than he liked to admit to anyone, even himself. She could feel him constantly through their bond. He grew to be almost white noise, with his regular emotions. When something shot up, like anger, she was instantly on the alert and ready to face whatever he threw at her right then. Sometimes she noticed it early enough to warn the others of the impending danger.

Knowing Robin came with its ups and downs. He disliked someone knowing him so intimately. He loved Starfire, and wished for her love in return, but knowing was a very different story. He had resisted at first. Raven had instinctively approached him about things she now knew almost without thinking about it; Robin had been less than receptive.

In fact, the first time she distinctly remembered him screaming at her. "Get out of my head, Raven!"

Some object might have been chucked her way as well, but that part of her memory wasn't as clear. It had been so long ago…

His mind was now undeniably and irreversibly intertwined with hers. Ultimately, this had brought the two closer, forming a solid band of friendship, trust, and love that she was sure would never be broken. Thinking of Robin as more than a teammate and a leader, but as a brother was now commonplace. At points she even blurred the line between them, and he became her; they were one.

But to like him as more than that? No. Robin was a good friend, her best friend even, but nothing more. She did not want him in that way, and she knew that he did not want her in that way. That was an understanding between them, no matter how far the tabloids went to misinterpret anything that went on.

Then why? Why did she do it? The only answer that Raven could determine was one word, a word that could adequately sum up everything that was going on in her life.

Starfire.

After their one moment in the control room, each look, touch and sentence spoken to each other had new meaning. She would be in the kitchen, making herself something to eat, and Starfire's long arm would slither its way across her back while innocently reaching around for the sugar. Raven would flush straight down to her toes, and, just for that moment, all guilty feelings about what they were doing would evaporate. She would be ready to do it again, for Starfire's sake.

This triangle of theirs, it was becoming too complicated. The fact that both Beast Boy and Cyborg knew nothing of it cut her all the more deeply. Keeping secrets from her friends was not something that she deliberately did, unless for their own necessary safety. They would be hurt and offended if they ever found out. 

Something would break there, and Raven didn't know if she could ever do anything enough for them to forgive her.

It was a wonder that they hadn't caught them before now. The hallways, even the corners, were not concealing places, and neither bird was always quiet during the administrations. Raven both blessed and cursed their luck; if they were found out, her friendships with them would be strained to the limit, but then all would finally be out in the open air.

Raven was slightly amazed at how Beast Boy and Cyborg had believed the premise for so long without becoming suspicious enough to actually do something about it. The five of them, all being so close, easily noticed changes in one or more of the others' behavior. The empath couldn't even remember the excuse that she had given them, only that she had escaped the room as soon as possible afterwards.

And she didn't even want to think about what Starfire had said to them. The alien princess had never been a good liar, but under such pressure like this? Raven could only assume that Star had failed miserably in providing legitimate reasons for her actions. However, Raven could also pretty safely assume that Cyborg and BB wouldn't pressure her for the real reason. They knew how touchy she could be.

Robin, of course, no one even thought about. His violent mood swings and ability to change his demeanor at a moment's notice were commonplace, and this sudden behavioral oddity was nothing unusual. He needed to think of no excuses.

But that didn't mean that he wasn't under pressure. They all were, and it was slowly cracking their masks.

Something had to be done. But when her thoughts wandered, almost aimlessly, down this street, she came to a roadblock. Something akin to a wall, it stopped her from delving any further into that, where she knew she needed to go. The empath pressed and pressured herself, but alone, that wall wouldn't give.

Raven briefly entertained the thought of talking to Starfire, or even Robin, about it, but quickly found that idea laughable. Starfire refused to talk about it, because she knew that what Raven wanted to say wasn't going to be to her liking.

Robin most likely didn't even know that any of this had emerged because of Starfire and Raven, instead of one or the other and him. Telling him would break his heart further, and the empath could feel it splintering already. He wouldn't want to speak of it either, if he did know. Facing his own flaws and problems, which he did readily, wasn't something he liked to do. Examining himself with someone else was out of the question, and when what they were doing was so outwardly wrong from all parties involved…

In the end, the answers to her questions never came, and Raven's guilt never went away; it only intensified over time.

But still, she allowed his gloved hands to slide over her stomach, kneading with his knuckles gently. His tongue tasted her ear, and his mouth moved around her face, softly kissing her chakra and the tip of her nose. His hands were everywhere; curling at the base of her neck in her violet hair, running up and down her arms, resting lightly on her waist.

For Raven, it was hard. Every touch reminded her that this was not Star. His hair was short and gelled. He wasn't tall enough; his hands were covered in green material instead of with a gauntlet. He was passionate and unrelenting instead of sweet and slow.

As Raven brought his lips crushing against hers again, she couldn't help it. A smile, albeit a pained one, crept across her face. Robin's tongue entered her mouth to taste her and Raven reflected:

He tasted like Starfire.

\--

She found her standing on the roof, framed delicately by the blue sky. Near the horizon, black storm clouds were gathering, ready to burst over the city as they moved ominously closer. The figure paid them no heed; or perhaps she was waiting for them to come, ready to welcome the pounding rain with open arms and salty tears.

Starfire felt her face relax into what she guessed was a sad expression. Her friend… she looked so small and delicate on the edge of the building with only her blue cloak to separate her from the outside world that was so cruel; the world that she had thought they had all grown used to, until it threw them for another loop.

Despite how much her inner voice was screaming at her to walk over and kiss away the lonely aura that surrounded Raven, Starfire resisted. She knew that kissing wouldn't solve all problems, and she knew that they needed to talk. That lesson was something that had been beaten into her by Robin; she had learned it well.

So, the alien stood behind her, the distance between them stretching far, much too far. Panic began to flutter in her breast. If she didn't grab onto Raven, she would disappear forever, and there would be no coming back. Her breath caught, her heart pounded and she reached out with her eyes. She reached out with her heart.

"Please tell me what is bothering you, Raven." She said quietly, her words breathy.

As expected, Raven had already been aware of her presence. She neither jumped, nor flinched, nor did she even turn around. She was solid concrete, sturdy through any weather on the outside, for the sake of anyone else who might have needed the support. But who was ever there for her? Who dried her tears when she sobbed over her nightmares? It used to be Robin who she ran to, and who told her that everything was going to be alright. Not anymore. Something had changed.

"Do you think the storm is going to break here?" the empath asked in a strangled voice. "Or do you think it will pass us by, and we won't have to deal with the aftermath?"

When Starfire smiled it was weak. "We have dealt with aftermaths before," she pointed out, thinking back over the years and everything the five of them had been through. They were all the stronger for it.

Raven laughed, and it had a note of hysteria in it. She turned around to face Starfire, eyes hooded by the shadow of her cloak. "Have we ever had to fight our way through a storm like this before? You and me… you and Robin… me and Robin. We all used to be on the same side."

Star's brows knit together, extremely upset. It was almost palpable, the despair that was emanating from her friend, which was disturbing on its own, because Raven was normally so put together and in control. "We are all still on the same side!" she tried to reassure the empath.

Raven only shook her head, acting like she hadn't heard the alien's words. "I don't know where we stand anymore…"

Silence reigned supreme. Starfire wasn't sure who exactly Raven's last statement had been directed to, but she didn't care. Every muscle in her body was straining. She wanted to walk up to her, shake her, yell at her, kiss her. I care about you, you idiot! Listen to me!

Pale hands reached up and brought her hood down, revealing large purple eyes, the only place that she couldn't hide her emotions. Right now, the violet orbs were a whirlpool of feelings, none of them ones that would make her feel anything but hopelessness. Tears pooled unshed, and not likely to ever be shed.

"I don't even know what's going on. I just know that I can't do this to Robin anymore. If you just look at him, you can see it. It's tearing him apart. He turns that onto you, it tears you apart. I stand back and watch you both hurt, and that tears me apart!"

Starfire tried to say something, but Raven plowed on, not letting her get in a word edgeways. All of these thoughts had been bottled up for too long; now they were gushing out, everything that kept her up late at night, crying.

These were the things that haunted her. It was no longer Robin who did the comforting; he wasn't capable or aware enough anymore. Now Starfire had to be the strong one. She was here, and there was empty space between the two girls.

Star stepped up, closing the gap in record speed. Raven very nearly collapsed into her arms, clutching tightly to the taller girl's bronzed ones. Her dark blue cloak swirled before the slightly heavy material settled around the two. The empath's eyes were squeezed shut tightly, and her face was scrunched up.

Heat gathered, and Starfire was very aware each place where their bodies touched. Thighs, stomachs, arms, and Raven's face pressed into her breast. The girl flushed and her throat went dry, as though she was new to intimacy. There was something about Raven that made Starfire feel like she was innocent again. It was a nice feeling.

Raven was still talking. "And I know he loves you, and he doesn't love me, and I don't want to be with him like that. But I keep going back to him…" Starfire looked down and met Raven's intense eyes, now open. "… Because of you."

Soft arms almost pulled away at that. But she didn't, and orange skin still contrasted with a pale, almost gray. She let Raven continue to spill her secrets, not noticing when her fingers began to absently stroke soft, silky locks.

Starfire knew that she had been selfish. She knew that the soft jibe had been rightly sent in her direction. And she knew without needing conformation, feeling her guilt scald her insides, that she had done these selfish things to protect herself.

She forced Raven, using her willpower alone, to go through Robin to get to her because it would take some of the weight off of her. She wouldn't have to feel bad about cheating on Robin with her best friend because she wouldn't have to. Only Raven would have to go through that kind of turmoil, and the alien knew this.

But she couldn't help it. She wanted this, she needed this, and yet she didn't want to pay the price. So much of the consequences of their actions fell to Raven, because Starfire didn't feel she was strong enough to handle it.

Raven was strong, when it came to emotions. She always had been; this was known, even if it was never voiced. So now, Raven had to go to Robin, had to get him to kiss her back so that the empath could get a little bit of Starfire through him. It wasn't fair, and it never had been, but the alien had a feeling that it wasn't going to change.

And that gave her enough guilt as it was.

"I don't want to hurt him anymore. He is one of my best friends, and I can't stand hurting him! But then I look at you, and I feel something stir inside of me," she gestured listlessly to where her heart would be. "…and I can convince myself that one more time will be okay…"

Starfire was pretty sure that she hadn't ever heard Raven string so many words together at one time. She wasn't sure what to say. Give each other up so that Robin could be happy? Keep doing what they were doing and hope that the guilt didn't eat them away? Tell Robin and watch him suffer as the one he loved walked away with someone he considered an extremely close friend? Was there even a way out of this?

Strong fingers tightened their grip on the cloak that surrounded them. Starfire looked out towards the ocean, taking in the view that she saw so often but rarely stopped to appreciate. The only things marring her sight were the clouds that had grown considerably bigger as the two had talked. Her emerald eyes lowered to the water. It reflected the sky, both blue and gray-black parts. Stories below them it splashed against the rocks, and Starfire grew tired.

She didn't want to speak of this. She did not want to talk about pain, hurt, and relationships. There was no need to discuss feelings or why things had happened the way they did, and they most especially did not need to touch upon the subject that was Robin. Robin's hurt, Robin's pain, Robin's relationships. Robin's feelings, Robin's why's, Robin, Robin, Robin.

And yet if she would just look back down into the shimmering eyes of her companion she would see that it wasn't just Robin. So much of it revolved around her, around them—

No! Starfire slammed the brakes on her thoughts. She had just told herself that she wasn't going to go there. Not today, and not now.

Once again, she dropped her green eyes to the water. Raven interrupted her vision a bit. The smaller girl seemed to have composed herself. Her breathing was steady, her muscles far less tense. She was now only standing limply in Starfire's grasp. Was Star supposed to assure her that everything was going to be okay? Could she even lie to Raven?

The redhead pulled away, startling Raven into looking up at her.

Star was floating now, a small smile gracing her face. It was joy mixed with sadness, confusion, and a little frustration as well. But it was genuine, and it was only for Raven.

"I do not know," she admitted softly. "Things are going to happen. Time is going to pass, we will speak, and we will laugh and cry. Beast Boy will make jokes and Cyborg will stay protective of us. There will be pain and there will be sorrow and Robin will live."

Raven clenched her fists, and a crackle of something that sounded like electricity sizzled around her before disappearing just as quickly as it arrived. "That's just it!" she cried, practically losing her composure again. "We have to know, we can't just blunder on through like we have been doing! We need a plan."

Starfire sighed and brushed her red locks out of her eyes lightly. "We will figure something out…" she trailed off, looking at the water. "Do you wish to dive with me?" the heroine asked, completely serious in her manner.

Raven's emotionless mask was splintered at this, and her face showed shock. She paused before plowing on relentlessly, some anger slipping into her tone. She turned away from her friend, unable to keep facing her. "But what then, Starfire? What are we going to do afterwards? What if something comes up that we can't handle?!"

When she turned back around, Raven was even more surprised to see that Star had zoomed in closely. Her eyes sparkled with something that Raven didn't have the energy or the will to decipher at the moment.

"That is a problem for tomorrow," she said, and a real, true Starfire smile grew on her face. She extended a hand for Raven to take, still hovering feet above the ground.

Raven hesitated. "But, we don't know what's going to happen," she tried again. "No… it's too much of a risk."

Starfire drew even closer, her smile widening until it lit up her whole face brilliantly. "That is part of the fun."

Raven's purple eyes grew wide. She stared at the offered limb like it was speaking to her. Her logical side was scoffing at the fact that Starfire thought she would even consider it, because they both still had so much to say. And, for once, Raven just wanted to shut herself up.

She closed her eyes, and took the hand. A soft, warm breath sounded in her ear, "One, two..."

Immediately afterwards, she was pulled into the air; a short, quick flight out over the dancing waves and they stopped. One moment --looking, thinking, breathing, hoping, loving-- and they let themselves fall, headfirst, towards the ocean.

They took the risk.


End file.
